Some sciency types – not scientologists this time we swear – have tried to undermine the western image of Jesus as a white-ass blondie. Based on biological-anthropology and forensic modeling, some obscure researchers sketched out what they think actual Jesus pretty much looked like, which was as boring and uninspiring as you’d imagine. As if they’d know better then Renaissance-era painters who never left Europe!
These shameful researchers make him out to look like an ordinary, semi-swarthy, bearded fellow whose looks wouldn’t get him much loving from anyone but TSA agents.
To correct this ghastly misrepresentation of the world’s most famous Palestinian, we conducted our own study based on a composite of Palestinian men of average handsomeness. It is a big data study, so it’s as infallible as the Pope. Our final result was that Jesus resembled another Mediterranean man with wonderful hair and hard chiseled features:
Photo of Jesus by ITV/REX
It’s hard to argue with the scientific consensus that Palestinian dudes are smoking hot. Am I right?
